you look as repulsive as you act
I used to think similar to this, that I could just ignore social cues and body language and I could get through life just fine. Obviously it didn't work and I was had very few friends growing up. During high school I decided to change myself and attended therapy and learned ways to interpret non verbal cues from a professional. I also worked on my social anxiety and got better at dealing with crowds and talking to people.
It took several years of hard work, but it paid off. Now in college I participate in after school clubs, have friends, and go out to places. Before, I would have thought that such things were unnecessary or even a waste, but now I 'm definitely happier with my life.
Taking the time to reflect on why you acted as you did and making it clear you want to change is excellent. Things will be hard, but I wish you well on your journey.
Thank you <3
I hope to meet more people as kind as you in the future.